We're going to say something that you're (probably) thinking -- "God, there are days where drinking on the job sounds appetising." Not all the time. Just some of the time. When the stress-o-metre is about to explode like an over-inflated balloon. Those kind of days. The problem is, drinking on the job is frowned upon if you're not a) Don Draper, b) Charles Bukowski or c) a 40-year-old entrepreneur that works from home. We mean, you could crack open a bottle and enjoy a tipple at work, but you'll probably find yourself updating your CV pretty soon afterward (and that's the sort of tedious task no one wants to do). Sigh. The reality is, all of us responsible adults have to wait until we've clocked off and left the office vicinity before we can enjoy a craft beer... or two... followed by half a bottle of Jack Daniels.

But you're not a responsible adult, are you? And we know that because, well, you're reading this blog post. That means a little part of you wants a job where you can drink during office hours. Cue some great news. We've found those kind of jobs. And they don't just let you sip on the good stuff, some actively promote it. Can we get a "HELL YEAH!"


We're not sure what their official title is (brewer? Master of the brew? Brew-maker? Brewing badass?), all we know is: they brew beer. And to do that well you've got to taste what you're brewing, right? Okay, so you can't get soooo drunk that you think adding tabasco to the recipe would be a good idea, but you can be the guy who created a beer that became soooo cool bearded-hipsters in Shoreditch began drinking it (probably out of copper mugs or something).


If you're not sure what a suh-mel-yay does, they get paid to describe how a wine tastes. Professionally. And, unless you're born with the gift of good luck, you've kinda got to drink said wine to be any good at this job. Actually, you've got to drink loads and loads of wine to be good at this job. Admittedly, most suh-mel-yays have a spit bucket by their feet, but we've done some research and we're pretty sure that's an optional extra.

Food Critic

As if being a food critic wasn't awesome enough already, you're definitely getting to pair your vegan steak with an expensive bottle of vino (NB: we know vegan steaks aren't a real thing... yet). It would just be wrong to chow down on a delicious plate of grub made by a culinary genius and only have a glass of lemon water to enjoy it with. Not that the restaurant owner would allow that. They want a good review and, apart from flying and driving, there's no scenario where booze doesn't make something better.


We should probably confirm not all authors drink. But all the best ones definitely do. Ian Fleming definitely did (#VesperMartini). Hunter S. Thompson never stopped drinking. Truman Capote basically had vodka and orange on tap. Oscar Wilde had a serious thing for Champagne. And Charles Bukowski, well, what do we say -- he was a big fan of all kinds of hooch. Whether that's the common denominator thank links their genius, we can't say. But to disagree would mean it's a coincidence and, come on, that's unlikely.


We interviewed a bartender recently (okay, we went to a bar and chatted to a barman while waiting for the rest of our party to show up) and it turns out there are a lot of bars that don't allow their staff to drink the stock, which makes a lot of sense. But there are some bars where you can. Usually that only happens if you own the bar, know the owner really well, know the CCTV blind spots, or work in a really-forward thinking bar. But that's fine. It just means you need to find one of these bars. Schimples.

PR Person

In order to be a good PR person (*that's definitely not their official title), you need to be awesome with people. It's as simple as that. You need to be polite and charming and enthusiastic and buzzing. And then there's the whole social side of things with the events and parties and schmoozing. Ergo, you will be having a few drinks about five times a week.

Travel Writer

Being a travel-writer means travelling the world, stopping off in different far-flung hotspots, and then writing down your experiences so that your readers know just how to make their vacation the best one ever. Of course, going on vacay means getting loose so, yeah, there's a lot of "researching" beach bars, signature cocktails, local nightclubs, and which restaurants have the best wine list to accompany their food menu. It's like the best kind of drinking on the job.


There's no scenario where a rockstar isn't allowed to drink. They can do it on stage. In their music videos. After a gig. Before a gig. While being interviewed. During businessy meetings. In the back of their chauffeur-driven cars. It's non-stop. And if anyone did have the audacity to say, "ahem, could you possibly not do that..." They would find themselves on the receiving end of a mega-meltdown, then get fired by their boss, and then watch on as the rockstar walks away... totally unscathed... and still drinking absinthe.

Thanks for reading! For more bookkeeping-slash-accountancy-slash-finance advice, and a few weird-thoughts, please do follow us on Facebook and LinkedIn and then tell all your businessy friends to do the same.

Updated: Dec 10, 2018

Ah yeah, the infamous and dreaded Dad joke - the pun-filled quip that makes every child want to walk to school alone, never have sleepovers of their own and see's their eyes roll more than a stunt pilots passenger. We love 'em here at Accounts Done (we pretty much invade our content marketing team's inbox with them bi-hourly), which is because they make us Dad's so proud. It fills us with a little sense of accomplishment that can't be mimicked. The worse they are the better they are. The worse they are, the more groan-led chuckled they manage.

Anyway, given you're here for the jokes, let's crack on with the ones that got the most crying-face laughter emojis from our poor recipients:

The furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand.

Did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music?

He'll be Bach.

Why don't crabs give to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today. Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.

Why do melons have weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.

Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?


Hostess: 'Do you have reservations?'

Dad: 'No. I'm confident I want to eat here.'

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food here."

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Dishes who?

Dishes Sean Connery.

Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?

Because they were watch dogs

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey...

But, I turned myself around.

I sold my vacuum cleaner, because all it was doing was gathering dust.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?


The rotation of earth really makes my day.