• muckell

15 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Groan-Laugh

Updated: Dec 10, 2018

Ah yeah, the infamous and dreaded Dad joke - the pun-filled quip that makes every child want to walk to school alone, never have sleepovers of their own and see's their eyes roll more than a stunt pilots passenger. We love 'em here at Accounts Done (we pretty much invade our content marketing team's inbox with them bi-hourly), which is because they make us Dad's so proud. It fills us with a little sense of accomplishment that can't be mimicked. The worse they are the better they are. The worse they are, the more groan-led chuckled they manage.

Anyway, given you're here for the jokes, let's crack on with the ones that got the most crying-face laughter emojis from our poor recipients:

The furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand.

Did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music?

He'll be Bach.

Why don't crabs give to charity?

Because they're shellfish.

I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today. Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.

Why do melons have weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.

Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?


Hostess: 'Do you have reservations?'

Dad: 'No. I'm confident I want to eat here.'

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food here."

Knock knock.

Who's there?


Dishes who?

Dishes Sean Connery.

Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?

Because they were watch dogs

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey...

But, I turned myself around.

I sold my vacuum cleaner, because all it was doing was gathering dust.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?


The rotation of earth really makes my day.